Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
