she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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