You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
