Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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