i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They took my balls.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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