Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
