so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
