yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
