I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We don't watch enough power rangers
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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