i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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