Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
