The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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