I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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