I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
