She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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