Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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