I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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