I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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