we're blogging at a bar
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
