I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
