Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
