I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize
