ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
