Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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