onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
