He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
