8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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