When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
