Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
