So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
