Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
