she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
