Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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