dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
