you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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