She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
