Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
