OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
