More tranny stories later!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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