So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
