I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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