My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
