he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
