If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Randomize
