Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Let's paint friendship bongs
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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