Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
