My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
