How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
