You're so nebulous sometimes
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
