Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
