the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
