I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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